Writing this doctoral dissertation involves a great deal of solitude.Solitude, to be honest, that is experienced more as isolation much of the time.It is me, my books and my computer, writing on a topic no one else is writing on, in a house of men who are writing on topics only they are writing on, as a result living with guys who have little but the isolation to common, if isolation can be shared in common.
The isolation gives a certain volume to inner voices that otherwise are normally shouted over by the voices of activity and interaction with others.These inner voices are not always of the welcomed sort.Memories of past failures, self-condemnation and doubt, passions seeking attention, emptiness that calls out for consumption of just about anything, hollowness that seeks to convince me of God’s ultimate absence—all come bubbling to the surface at moments I least expect them and most often when they have not been invited.
The isolation has served, though I don’t often look at it as a service, to stand me up to a mirror and see things rattling around on the inside.
The readings for today’s liturgy serve somewhat of the same function, that of a mirror somehow reflecting some of the often deep seated passions that root themselves in the human heart.The first reading (Gn 37:3-4, 12-13a, 17b-28a) tells a story of the depth jealousy can reach into the human heart and the lengths to which it will push those in its possession to seek the destruction of the ‘other.’
Jesus, in the gospel (Mt 21:33-43, 45-46), tells a parable that reflects back to its hearers the violence that flows from hearts absorbed with greed and lust for control.
Certainly, those griped by the describe passions were not, either aware of their presence, or didn’t spend enough time reflecting on the depth of them to seek to confront them.The brothers of Joseph did not say, “Gee, we are really jealous of Joseph.Instead of taking it out on him we should deal with our relationship with our father.”The chief priests and the Pharisees, though they knew Jesus was addressing the parable their way, did not stop long enough to see what truth there was in it.
We live in a society that is especially marked by frenetic activity and stuffed with emotion masking ‘things’.The problem with this is that often what really drives us, what really controls our actions are deep-seated passions we aren’t even aware of.Passions like jealousy, greed, anger, lust, hurts of the past not forgiven, fear of emptiness and loneliness, a hidden sense of shame and guilt.The dreadful truth is, we are often not nearly as free as we would like to imagine ourselves to be.
Fasting.Prayer.Almsgiving.These spiritual practices are a way into the passions.They serve, you might say, to stand us up in front of the mirror that we might take a good look and see what is really there, down deep.
The parable of Jesus concludes in a most remarkable way.“The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; by the Lord has this been done, and it is wonderful in our eyes” (v. 42).Those stones, the passions that hold us down and keep us from authentic freedom, by the work of Jesus in us, can become cornerstones of a new life.We might be tempted to reject—cover up and run from—these dark, inner passions.However, standing face to face with them, daily submitting them to the transforming power of Jesus’ Holy Spirit, they can be made into a new house of liberty and authentic joy.
I can tell you from experience, this is no easy task!It is a real test of faith.Can Jesus be trusted to give me the freedom he has promised?Is Christ more powerful then the passions that keep me captive and drive me in all sorts of directions I do not want to go?My prayer, fasting and almsgiving through this Lenten Season are meant to be an act of faith that says to such questions, “Yes, I believe.Lord, help my unbelief!”